Feel
by wolf's paradise
Summary: I think he might be worried about me. His eyes regard me strangely, like he knows something is wrong. I don’t want him to worry. I can handle this. But I’m lying. It’s killing me. Rated that way just in case.


**A/N:** So, I know this is out before my others have been updated. Honestly, this just popped into my head. And I thought 'what if…?' So I wrote it. I think it's pretty good, though sad in quite a few senses. I dunno, though… My best works seem to be sad a lot of times, or have a touch of angst, haha.

Well, this is completely unbeta'd. Also, this isn't necessarily in the 'good' context of keeping verbs in the same tense. It wasn't supposed to be that way anyway cause this basically goes along with thought processes. But I hope that you guys enjoy this!

**Summary:** I think he might be worried about me. His eyes regard me strangely, like he knows something is wrong. I don't want him to worry. I can handle this. But I'm lying. It's killing me.

**Disclaimer:** Seriously? I'm pretty sure everyone knows almost everyone on this sight doesn't own the amazingly adorable Naruto…

Feel

I feel it every night.

Every time I close my eyes, they're right there, haunting me.

I can't sleep. When I do, it isn't restful.

Why?

I often ask myself that. But I don't know the answer. I really don't. Maybe there is some purpose for it, but for right now, I can't see it. I can't see anything past the memories. I _hate_ them.

And I can't do anything about it. My mind must like to shove it in my face, though I can't figure out why.

And it's killing me.

I see friends, familiar faces, and random ones that flutter through my day-to-day routine. But it's like I'm underwater. My vision is blurry and my ears are covered in a perpetual fog. Everything I do is habitual, and that makes it harder to forget.

Because no matter how hard I try, my mind won't let me forget. It reminds me every time my eyes close or I am thrust into darkness.

Darkness didn't bother me. It hadn't before that. Nothing, really, except for my own feeling of incompetence had bothered me. Then again, perverts had always been a sore spot for me as well.

I hide behind a smile and my normal temper and timber of my voice. Because I don't think anyone really cares. I don't think they notice.

Well, maybe except for one…

* * *

I found out a way—a way to make them stop.

Sleep deprivation. I should've figured that out in the first place, but they had been blinding me. Granted, I was allowed a few simple hours of sleep, and it was light, so I was safe.

For the most part.

They come back, especially after my watching round on a mission.

I think he might be worried about me.

His eyes regard me strangely, like he knows something is wrong. I don't want him to worry. I don't want anyone to worry. They don't need to. I can handle this.

But I'm lying.

It's killing me—killing me slowly so I feel everything inside me crumble.

He can't know. In a way, I know what he'd do. Yet I really don't know what his reaction would be. He simply can't know.

What would he do if he knew I can still feel him every night? If I can feel him pushing further and further inside of me? If my memories plaster more than one face onto the same body as they make me feel like the dirt not even worthy to be scuffed up by sandals?

I think he would want vengeance.

He won't find it. Vengeance was already satisfied. Something was cast—a genjutsu if I remember correctly—that caused them to kill each other. Vengeance wasn't mine, as I would have wanted it to be, but they were still dead. At least that was a small comfort.

My vendetta was no more, though I never had time to even create one, really.

But I have to keep this to myself.

She can't know, and neither can he. No one else should know.

I miss the way I used to be.

I try to pretend, but I don't think I'm fooling everyone. Especially not him. Because I can't see past the pain and the ache in my chest every time I'm out alone or I simply remember. Because he's really become my best friend.

Because it's killing me.

It's eating away at my soul, corrupting me, driving me past tears. I don't even cry anymore. I can't. I'm too numb, too unfeeling to even care or decipher things happening around me.

I'm so numb.

So cold…

And no one cares to save me.

* * *

I contemplated it today.

I'm thinking about it now.

Why?

It never occurred to me before. Not even during my years of incompetence.

Do they make me feel that bad? I guess so.

But I can't act on it. He won't let me.

At least, the memory and knowledge of him won't let me.

I often wondered about those suicidal platoons of ninja. I never really understood until now. And I do now. I understand why. I still don't think it's a good idea, even if I am thinking about it. I'm a saver of lives, not a bringer of death. Plus, I don't know why, but I can't let myself do it, either.

The sunset looks amazing, and its beauty touches me a bit because I suddenly feel him standing behind me. I have a feeling he's been watching me for a while, and my numbness has blinded me.

He sits beside me, his face sifting through a plethora of emotions. What's on his mind? I wonder—even if I don't have an answer.

I feel something—his hesitation, maybe? I'm not sure, but whatever it is, he suddenly pulls me close to him, his head buried in the top of my shoulder as warm tears escape his sorrowful blue eyes.

"I'm sorry," he mutters, voice breaking. "I didn't get there in time. I couldn't stop them. I'm so sorry. I was the one… I had to stop them…"

My hands clutch his shirt as something breaks. The ice? I don't know, but suddenly the ache is back, now a sharp stabbing pain instead of a dull, constant throb. He cracked through something. I thought I was gone. I thought it was over.

He proved me wrong.

And now he's clinging to me as if he needs _my_ support.

But I'm hugging myself to him, my eyes watering with long-forgotten tears. "Naruto," I whisper, my voice hitching through the sobs in my throat. "It's not your fault. I… I just… I can't… Oh god…"

His hands make comforting circles across my back. "I know they haunt you! I know they do because I wasn't fast enough! I didn't get there in time. It's my fault, Sakura…"

"No… Don't… Please…"

He nods, and for once, I make myself remember. I make myself relive that night of my mission. I make myself remember those bastard's faces, and how they refused to let me go. Instead, they made me cry and scream as each of them had a go of pushing into me, sometimes filling me beyond what I could stand.

"Just stay… Please… Naruto… Help me…"

And he does. His presence, his smell, his tears, his touch, help to chase away the images that haunt me.

I don't mind that he saw, or even that he killed those bastards for me. I'm simply glad that he's here now, and I didn't have to explain anything to him. He knows, he understands, and that's more than I could ever ask of him.

He will forever and always remain my best friend.

* * *

My head rests in his lap, my arms extended over my head as a few of the fingers on my left hand play with some loose threads of his shirt. His large hands carefully control the fingers that sift through my soft, pink hair.

"Remember?" I ask. "Remember that day?"

His face takes on a grim look, and I know it's a time he would rather not remember. But finally, I can look on it without cringing or hesitating.

"I do. It was months before I gathered up the courage to say something." His blue eyes cloud, and he whispers, "I watched it slowly kill you…"

My right hand reaches up to caress his face. It did try to kill me, but… "You saved me, Naruto." I smile a bit. "You know, I think that's when I fell in love with you."

His expression perks up at that. "Really?" His voice sounds so surprised.

I can imagine, though. I never really have told him I love him, even though I realized a week ago that I really did.

"Yup. Actually, I think I still am in love with you, Naruto Uzumaki."

The most adorable grin split his face, and his blue eyes sparkle excitedly. He leans down until his face is a few inches from mine. "Well, then, I would have to say I've loved you since I first saw you, Sakura Haruno. And I still do." He whispers the last part before his lips gently touch mine.

"I know…" I whisper back.

And I do. I can feel it.

The numb feeling is gone, chased away by the entirety of me that Naruto has come to occupy. Because now, I don't feel them anymore. They no longer haunt me.

I don't feel worthless.

I don't because Naruto makes me feel everything else.

He is the one that occupies my thoughts, my dreams, and my soul.

Because I can _feel_ his love.

And I know he can feel mine.

**A/N:** Yeah… It's sad, but I think the ending kinda makes up for it. Lemme know what you guys think about this story. I was in a very "writy" mood (yeah… that's not even a word, but who cares? lol) and then this just came to mind, so I decided to write it. It didn't take long, and I'm gonna go write my other happier stories.

Until next time (and thanks for reading!):

- wolf's paradise


End file.
